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1. |
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We have begun
Would be nice if we could sleep
would’ve called you but i didn’t have the time to call you
So I didn’t ever call you and i regret it each time i
Think about you and i’m pretty far away from
all that now
never could I dream a solid vision for our future now i’m
to the point where I can see where we were headed all along but now I
know i never needed to know where we’d end up
false alarm
Tell me your name
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2. |
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I.
Which world’s real?
The world that I feel
Outer peel
Inner self had fear
Keyboard car
Concert in graveyard
Boarding school
Plane crashed in my pool
II.
I have come back from the dead
So many times and I have learned
From each life that the timeline of light is
Outpacing me
Escaping me
Awaiting me
Embracing me
III.
The past is sky
IV.
The comet I love!
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3. |
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I called up Laura; she said that the arguments that used to take three hours take 10 minutes after two years
When Maddison wrote me to say that she was marrying Parker all she said was it felt natural; it made sense
And you don't get to be on the inside of someone else's love,
They invite you to their wedding so you feel like you can be
But you don't get to be on the inside of someone else's love
You may draw conclusions when you hear them talking on the phone
I want to know if other people feel what I feel
I've tried to pry into the lives of married friends
I want to know if my parents feel what I feel
But I get fragments, I get pieces, and that's it
You don't get to be on the inside of someone else's love
You may be around when they get their mix tapes in the mail
But you don't get to be on the inside of someone else's love
I love it when Laura's boyfriend Michael comes to town
I want to know if other people feel what I feel
I've tried to pry into the lives of married friends
I want to know if my parents feel what I feel
I make them tell me the story of how they fell in love
When grandma met grandpa, and they shook hands, she said it felt so nice that she almost didn't want to let go
When we got donuts and talked about our lives you said there's a feeling that makes unsure things feel surer than they should
I looked on the outside and everything looked perfect. Was it painful? Did it mean the same things it meant to me?
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4. |
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I am finally finding air
Carving out a space to be there
She’s emerging bit by bit
If you’re willing you can feel it
I don’t even know just when it started
I don’t even know just where it ends
I don’t want to always feel exhausted
Learning to accept she’s not pretend
So open the windows and air out the attic
She’s warming up her voice to
Tear down the curtains and blow out the static
I’m listening to her voice it sings a song so I can sleep
Still I’m searching for some air
Looking for a way to be fair
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5. |
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6. |
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What are you going to do with all that baby wanting?
You said, Maybe you can get it out when you go and see the newborn twins
And now I’m sitting on the plane stewing in may baby-wanting
Thinking how it first came over me in 2011
Maren was born, much to the shock of my mother
And I walked in by her crib where she slept breathing, silent, fast
And now I feel this kinship with everyone who has a baby
Total strangers, who probably call on God and the only thing they ask
is to be free of girls like me and our baby-wanting
What am I going to do with all this baby-wanting?
Do I think I could go through childbirth? I can’t survive my monthly cramps
And yes I do cry consistently whenever I’m watching Call the Midwife
And maybe I desperately want children or maybe I’m very sentimental
And I don’t mean to say that I think having children is easy or not exhausting
And that has been my experience, especially with other people’s kids
And also with Maren, who, granted, means more to me than most people and most things
Because Maren taught me about shock and wonder and how overwhelming love can be and how I can love a person more than anything in the world
And that’s the feeling there that feeds my baby wanting
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7. |
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See - neverending journey
To be better than disguised
We say, “We are impure,
But at least we’re better than those other guys”
Say that it will be their turn
But know it’ll take too long
Lift them up to watch them burn
When they do something wrong
Find someone to absolve you
The sins that you know far to well
Hate the things that do not haunt you
And make sure they know
That their reward is the eternal depths of everlasting hell
Tell them it will be their turn
But know it’ll take too long
Lift them up to watch them burn
When they do something wrong
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8. |
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You were high
But I was not high
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9. |
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Some kind of quest
Empty at best
Some kind of genius I guess.
Climbs but no rings
Climax-less scenes
Closed eyed before one could dream
Once wide with cookies and cream.
If there's a story, I do not see.
If there's a hero, then it's not me.
Inked on a page no one reads.
That is not me.
An account no one believes.
Some kind of quest,
Oh what a mess
Oh what a brilliant jest.
Plots too complex,
Jokes I don't get,
Villains without any depth,
Drawing the curtains, none wept.
I don't wanna make like you don't deserve more than me,
Telling me that I could do better.
I am not a poet you read, but my story's true.
I can paint a world if you'd let me.
Looking to the binary sun
If there's a story,
Waiting for an ending to come
I do not see.
Do I still attack? Do I run?
If there's a hero,
Do I still attack? Do I run?
It could be me.
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released August 3, 2017
