Some Kind of Quest

by Song Club Sampler

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1.
We have begun Would be nice if we could sleep would’ve called you but i didn’t have the time to call you So I didn’t ever call you and i regret it each time i Think about you and i’m pretty far away from all that now never could I dream a solid vision for our future now i’m to the point where I can see where we were headed all along but now I know i never needed to know where we’d end up false alarm Tell me your name
2.
I. Which world’s real? The world that I feel Outer peel Inner self had fear Keyboard car Concert in graveyard Boarding school Plane crashed in my pool II. I have come back from the dead So many times and I have learned From each life that the timeline of light is Outpacing me Escaping me Awaiting me Embracing me III. The past is sky IV. The comet I love!
3.
I called up Laura; she said that the arguments that used to take three hours take 10 minutes after two years When Maddison wrote me to say that she was marrying Parker all she said was it felt natural; it made sense And you don't get to be on the inside of someone else's love, They invite you to their wedding so you feel like you can be But you don't get to be on the inside of someone else's love You may draw conclusions when you hear them talking on the phone I want to know if other people feel what I feel I've tried to pry into the lives of married friends I want to know if my parents feel what I feel But I get fragments, I get pieces, and that's it You don't get to be on the inside of someone else's love You may be around when they get their mix tapes in the mail But you don't get to be on the inside of someone else's love I love it when Laura's boyfriend Michael comes to town I want to know if other people feel what I feel I've tried to pry into the lives of married friends I want to know if my parents feel what I feel I make them tell me the story of how they fell in love When grandma met grandpa, and they shook hands, she said it felt so nice that she almost didn't want to let go When we got donuts and talked about our lives you said there's a feeling that makes unsure things feel surer than they should I looked on the outside and everything looked perfect. Was it painful? Did it mean the same things it meant to me?
4.
I am finally finding air Carving out a space to be there She’s emerging bit by bit If you’re willing you can feel it I don’t even know just when it started I don’t even know just where it ends I don’t want to always feel exhausted Learning to accept she’s not pretend So open the windows and air out the attic She’s warming up her voice to Tear down the curtains and blow out the static I’m listening to her voice it sings a song so I can sleep Still I’m searching for some air Looking for a way to be fair
5.
6.
Baby Wanting 02:05
What are you going to do with all that baby wanting? You said, Maybe you can get it out when you go and see the newborn twins And now I’m sitting on the plane stewing in may baby-wanting Thinking how it first came over me in 2011 Maren was born, much to the shock of my mother And I walked in by her crib where she slept breathing, silent, fast And now I feel this kinship with everyone who has a baby Total strangers, who probably call on God and the only thing they ask is to be free of girls like me and our baby-wanting What am I going to do with all this baby-wanting? Do I think I could go through childbirth? I can’t survive my monthly cramps And yes I do cry consistently whenever I’m watching Call the Midwife And maybe I desperately want children or maybe I’m very sentimental And I don’t mean to say that I think having children is easy or not exhausting And that has been my experience, especially with other people’s kids And also with Maren, who, granted, means more to me than most people and most things Because Maren taught me about shock and wonder and how overwhelming love can be and how I can love a person more than anything in the world And that’s the feeling there that feeds my baby wanting
7.
See - neverending journey To be better than disguised We say, “We are impure, But at least we’re better than those other guys” Say that it will be their turn But know it’ll take too long Lift them up to watch them burn When they do something wrong Find someone to absolve you The sins that you know far to well Hate the things that do not haunt you And make sure they know That their reward is the eternal depths of everlasting hell Tell them it will be their turn But know it’ll take too long Lift them up to watch them burn When they do something wrong
8.
You were high But I was not high
9.
Some kind of quest Empty at best Some kind of genius I guess. Climbs but no rings Climax-less scenes Closed eyed before one could dream Once wide with cookies and cream. If there's a story, I do not see. If there's a hero, then it's not me. Inked on a page no one reads. That is not me. An account no one believes. Some kind of quest, Oh what a mess Oh what a brilliant jest. Plots too complex, Jokes I don't get, Villains without any depth, Drawing the curtains, none wept. I don't wanna make like you don't deserve more than me, Telling me that I could do better. I am not a poet you read, but my story's true. I can paint a world if you'd let me. Looking to the binary sun If there's a story, Waiting for an ending to come I do not see. Do I still attack? Do I run? If there's a hero, Do I still attack? Do I run? It could be me.

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released August 3, 2017

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Song Club Sampler Provo, Utah

A group of pals who write monthly songs to a theme.

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